Career Guidance - Naked IM Professional Style

Unlike my esteemed colleagues who ride bicycles to support cancer causes and otherwise use their annual volunteer day for noble and charitable causes, I tend to randomly use volunteer hours in community-based activities.

Last Spring I received an email from the elementary school indicating that the Grade 7 and 8 students were having a career day and were interested in hearing about the following careers:
·         Manicurist
·         Fireman
·         Engineer
·         Doctor
·         Etc.

This is a favourite old hobby-horse of mine (dating from my triumphant university graduation after which I had no career direction or prospects) which I willingly mounted again. I noted that whether young people are in the 4^th grade, 8^th grade or the 12^th grade they typically know of only a handful of careers – those of their parents, those on their favourite television shows (vampire executioner) and those they learned of in Richard Scarry books ( e.g. the raccoon postman, the bear nurse).

With a conversation recently held with a new hire to our firm clearly in mind I proposed a session entitled “How Do You Prepare For The Career You Don’t Know Exists”. This young man had expressed, only a few weeks earlier, that he was so lucky to have a found a great job, and one related to his studies (Masters of Library and Information Science). He confided to me that things were different “today” and that almost none of his friends had found work in their chosen academic fields. Presumably he meant not like in “my day” where we all went off to school and were handed a job on a silver platter by virtue of having completed a degree program. You can be sure that I set him straight on that one. I pointed out the range of academic qualifications in our strategic consulting firm of 16 people which include, but are not limited to:
·         journalism and quantum physics
·         classics and humanities
·         public administration
·         documentary film making
·         English literature
·         history
·         science
·         aeronautical engineering
·         mechanical engineering
·         geography
·         5 Masters of Library and Information Science
·         Master of Science
·         Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) in biology
·         Master of Business Administration

I told him that almost no-one that I went to school with works in a career related to their qualifications. Similarly, I told the Career Day Co-ordinator that I wanted to talk to students about how to prepare for anything that might come, instead of preparing for a career that may not even exist by the time they are ready to embark upon it.

Shockingly she agreed to my presentation, with great enthusiasm in fact, and I decided that if this effort was to be useful for me and for Systemscope, that I would use the opportunity to learn the basics of a new online presentation tool I’d recently been shown called Prezi.com.

When the big day came, I entered a sweltering classroom of sullen and awkward teenagers who eventually loosened up and, I am told (by my spies), enjoyed the presentation. My favourite part was when the young girl in the front row, upon reading my list of high school jobs yelled out aghast “You were a stripper?” To which I had to respond “No darling, double p would be stripper, I worked in a hospital.”

To see the presentation please visit the following address:
http://prezi.com/fnrzgyuhmby5/copy-of-career-development-how-to-prepare-for-the-career-you-dont-know-exists/

Was it volunteer time well spent? I wasn’t really sure (of course, this certainly isn’t Kidney Research Fundraising) until I received a thank-you card from the school that read: “Thank you so much for taking time to volunteer today at Huntley Centennial. Our Intermediates’  have had a wonderful learning experience with you. The effort and time you have taken out of your schedule to help mould our students into career-minded young adults is invaluable to our future community.” Awwwww

Jinny's Cheese Biscuits

These are the best savoury "cookies" you will ever taste. The recipe comes from my pal Jinny, another IM Professional though not naked. They make a beautiful Naked IM Professional meal with a bottle of cold white wine. Enjoy.

My Neighbour, Jinny Freeland’s Amazing Cheese Biscuit (Cookie) Recipe 

 

Fun Fact: a two day job but well worth thinking ahead - these hard biscuits go beautifully with a bottle of white wine

«««««««««« This was the biscuit I prepared for our work 2011 Xmas Cookie Exchange – it was very popular – no one expected a savoury biscuit. They go fast and kids love them too so I make a double batch each time ««««««««««

Ingredients:

·         1 cup all purpose flour

·         1/2 tsp baking powder

·         1/2 tsp salt

·         1/4 tsp cayenne

·         1/2 cup cold butter cut into small pieces

·         2 cups grated extra-old cheddar (I use the 3 yr Baldersons)

·         3-4 tbsp ice cold water

·         1/4 cup poppy seeds or black or white toasted sesame seeds.

 

Method:

Put flour, baking powder, salt and cayenne in a food processor with metal blade (or a bowl).  Whirl till combined.  Add butter and cheese and pulse until evenly combined and mixture resembles coarse crumbs.  Pulsing machine, drizzle in 3 tbsp cold water. Dough should begin to clump together.  Get in there with the hands and make a ball.

 

Gather dough and shape into a log, about 1 1/2 inches in diameter.  Spread poppy seeds on waxed paper. Roll log in poppy seeds to thoroughly coat. Wrap log in plastic wrap and refrigerate until very firm (at least 4 hours but preferably overnight).

 

(One day later)...

Preheat oven to 400; reach for your non-stick cookie sheet.

Thinly slice log into 1/4 inch slices.  Place on baking sheet and bake in preheated oven until golden-orange (about 9-12 mins).  Cool on wire rack.

 

(Twenty minutes later)

Pour large glass of wine.  Eat about 15 biscuits drinking wine and watching Corrie. Bring rest to favourite neighbour.

 

 

 

Familiars in the Workplace: Part 2

I began to ponder my situation and wondered why it is that I have been so lucky to have been delivered a familiar when so few other women of my ilk seem to have one. Upon further reflection, I realized that many women (just like me until last week) may have a familiar in their life, but may not have come to the realization yet of this tremendous gift and who their familiar might be.

 

In an effort to bring the same quality of joy that my familiar brings to me in my life’s work, to that of other professional women, I have undertaken a course of intense scholarly research in which I have identified a core set of qualities/characteristics associated with familiars.

 

To be clear, my scholarly resource (to which I subscribe at the rate of $50 per year delivered to a guy called Jimmy), I believe to be both indisputable and to be a representative summary of the corpus of historical research in this domain.  

 

Working backwards from the datum provided via this scholarly site, I have determined the following core characteristics that have been used for centuries in the identification of familiars (and in their subsequent prosecution along with their witch companions).

 

Being the consultant that I am, and inspired by my colleagues at the Treasury Board Secretariat, I have taken my research and developed it so that is may be employed in the form of an “assessment tool” - generic enough that may be used in any workplace to determine whether or not there might be a familiar in the midst.

 

6 Simple Ways To Identify If An Employee Is Indeed Your Familiar (An Assessment Tool)

 

1.       Have you made an agreement or a pact with this person?

2.       Do they have a down-to-earth name or an affectionate nickname? (like Keith or Bob or Lard-Bag - as opposed to Beelzebub, Mephistopheles or Balor)

3.       Did they initially spontaneously appear before you - without your direct summons? (It is well know that the familiar finds you, you do not find the familiar).

4.       Did they come to you as a “gift” or “referral” from another professional woman or related business?

5.       Did they arrive offering to “help you” in some way?

6.       Do they look like a regular person?  OR, are they odd looking in some way – having some deformity or in some way resemble a demon?

 

If you answered yes to 3 or more of the above questions then you may likely have a familiar in your employ.

 

My extensive research did not, however, reveal any practical tips for maintaining the relationship with you familiar so I have provided below, for your convenience dear readers, some observations of my own on the care and nurturing of your familiar.

 

Care and Nurturing of Your Familiar

·         Once identified, your job now is to nurture the relationship with your familiar, apprentice them in your “magical” ways and slowly release them upon your clients to perpetuate your own cunning/evil/magic in your own style.

·         Treat your familiar well. Instill in them the need to protect you and ensure they are well versed in the areas in which you are most dangerous to yourself so they may remain constantly vigilant about potential threats (e.g. over-indulgence in alcohol, distracted driving, excessive flirtation, habitual tardiness etc.).

·         Feed them regularly - a lunch here, a sandwich there and the occasional home-made brew (e.g. pea soup) will go far in further instilling the familiar’s loyalty and connection to you.

·         Whether your familiar takes on a human or animal form, scent will be important in developing an even stronger connection. Ensure that your scent remains appealing and consistent so as not to confuse your familiar. Similarly, consider influencing the scent of your familiar (via the liberal application of various unguents, if indeed your familiar is so inclined as to allow, or the more discreet means of supplying gifts of scent to said familiar).

·         Praise your familiar, though ostensibly their job is to support you, it is important to keep your familiar happy too.

·         Again, whether in human or animal form, touch your familiar regularly to maintain a physical bond – a scratch behind the ears, a linked arm, a tickle on the tummy will all contribute to the general sense of well-being of your familiar.

·         Regularly remind your familiar of their total reliance on you - that “if you go down, so too will they”.

Familiars in the Work Place: Part 1

The Modern Naked Professional Woman who has a career, a commute, a family and a home to hold together does not do it without some kind of divine or demonical “intervention”.

As people so often like to say to us – “How do we do it all?”

Witchcraft and liberal amounts of liquor (and by doing none of it well).

We don’t get to be where we are without some cunning and magical tendencies - thus opening the door to all naked professionals as qualifying for a “familiar”.

 For those of you who may not remember this term, a familiar is most simply defined as:

"A demon supposedly attending a witch, often said to assume the form of an animal.”

In the days of widespread persecution of witches, every witch was believed to have a familiar – if you know yourself to be a witch then you likely have a familiar - whether you know it or not.

Though often in animal form, familiars also come in human form.

• Do you have a special animal in your life that might be your familiar?
• Do you have a person in your life who might be your familiar?

At the end of an intense business trip in Toronto last week, I bade good-bye to my young associate (who was returning to Ottawa a few days before me) and said without thinking, “It feels funny you leaving and me staying behind, we are so ‘familiar’ that time spent apart seems odd”. Shortly after his departure, while enjoying a breakfast of tea, banana and peanut butter in the hotel dining lounge I was struck by an blinding flash of the obvious… it is not just that we are ‘familiar’, rather that this colleague ‘is my familiar’ – in the traditional sense of the word.

A more useful definition:

“In European folklore and folk-belief of the Medieval and Early Modern periods, "familiars" were supernatural entities believed to assist witches and cunning folk in their practice of magic.[1] According to the records of the time, they would appear in numerous guises, often as an animal, but also at times as a human or humanoid figure, and were described as "clearly defined, three-dimensional… forms, vivid with colour and animated with movement and sound" by those alleging to have come into contact with them.

When they served witches, they were often thought to be malevolent, while when working for cunning-folk they were often thought of as benevolent (although there was some ambiguity in both cases). The former were often categorised as demons, while the latter were more commonly thought of and described as fairies. The main purpose of familiars is to serve the witch or young witch, providing protection for him/her as they come into their new powers.[3]”

As mentioned in previous blogs, at 46, I feel I am only now coming into my powers (certainly at 46 things are changing….).

As I gave it more thought I realized that my colleague, of whom I have been powerfully fond since hiring, is indeed my “familiar” as is illustrated by the following incontrovertible evidence:

·         He “appears in human form – three-dimensional, vivid in colour and animated with both movement and sound”.

·         He does my bidding.

·         He spends inordinate amounts of time with me (40 hours per week).

·         He protects me from potential harm (largely of my own doing, but also from outside sources in general).

·         He perpetuates my evil/magic/cunning, by means of the written word and via oral means, with clients and my staff when I am not physically present.

·         In his guise as a young and highly academic sycophant, he is able to spy or wreak havoc for his witch (me) without being easily detected.

·         People think of us as a “pair”.

Taking this blinding flash of the obvious further required considering the “demon” that my familiar would be representing…

My personal relationships with demons being non-existent and my knowledge of demonology being scant, I was impelled to spend a good 15 minutes reading glossaries of demons on the Inter-Weeb in order to identify three potential demon sources (with whom I have an affinity) who may have delivered my familiar to me:

·         Cresil – The demon of slovenliness and impurity.

·         Jahi – Persian female demon. She specializes in debauchery.

·         Kobal – Patron of comedians and the Entertainment Director of Hell.

At this time, the jury remains out on which is the source of my familiar.

When I have more concrete evidence I will of course share with my delightful readers.

Stay Tuned for Part 2 of the blog post in which I will help my readers in identifying their own familiars - for good or for evil.